Year 6 Able Writers Group
Watch this space!!
At the moment, this section of the blog is only to be used by members of Mrs Taylor’s Able Writers Group.
Our story plan
- Opening: Action, explosion (flashback of event)
- Build up: Man in hospital, other men visit him (about spy business), Memory loss, he doesn’t know why the men are talking to him
- Climax/Conflict: Locked in a white room, Flashback to before the explosion
- Resolution: He was involved
- Ending: ???
Look forward to reading the story. Happy writing!
Mrs Taylor
i could hear it.Kind of a ticking sound.Then it happened
I could hear it.Sort of a ticking sound.Then it happened…It was huge.It turned from a tiny goldey-orange bang to a big powerful red explosion,things flying and the blow so powerful it lifted you off your feet,in a matter of seconds.The smokey hot air whipped my face,I was too weak to fight back.Just then I saw a huge plank of wood heading towards my face.I closed my eyes,desperate for it all to be a bad dream.I felt my head hit the floor.Pain stabbed through my head.I couldn’t help it .I was not strong enough.I let darkness overwhelm me.I know I was not fit for the job.I know,I know,I knew…
Great start Charlotte M. What does everyone else think? Tickled pinks and green for growths please!
Mrs Taylor
tickled pink
1. She used a lot of short and simple sentences to build up suspense!!!
2. she described the explosion with lots of powerful vocab!!
I woke up in serious pain. Where was I? I was in a hospital. But why? I couldn’t remember anything. It was like a complete blur!! Then it all came to me…
please continue
Thank you Sophie for your tickled pinks and continuation of the story. Don’t forget variety of sentences so we still need complex although I agree that the use of short sentences definitely works when building suspense.
Try to encourage your friends in the group to get involved!
Mrs Taylor
Come on everyone. I am waiting to find out what happens next. Sophie has left us with a…! Who can continue?
Mrs Taylor
pinks : short sentences are very effective !!!
the questions in the story
green : too short needs to add some more sentences.
continued .
Then a nurse came in . ” Are you alright , Mr (moose) ?. You seem a bit pale.”
” Erm … , Im a bit confused why am I here ? ”
I know it doesn’t add to sophies story but I thought my idea was good .
The doctors surrounded me as quickly as a pride of lions chasing their prey. They were all talking a blurr and I had no idea what they were saying. I heard one of them say amnesia. Just the thought of losing my memory made my spine shiver. Come to think of it, I couldn’t remember why I had to have my leg amputated off. My brain was all of a muddle, all scrambled, and I was in serious confusion. Why was I here and why?
sorry that last bit doesnt make sense so i’ll correct it. Why was I here and how?
Great to see more contributions.
Mrs T
Two men in all black suits walked through the entrance. They both had briefcases and ear pieces. I saw them hold up black badges to the doctors in my ward. My heart monitor was hotting up and there were so many bright lights. Then I woke up… The two men walked right up to me with the nurse by my side. I liked the nurse, Ondine she was called. She was from france. Anyway, the two men held up thier badges to me and one of them said ” Hi we’re from the CSI and if you feel well enough, we’d like to ask you some questions. ” ” Do you feel well enough Mr Moose? ”
I was scared so I just said ” yes O.K. “
I just spotted something… France has a capital letter. DOH!!!
nice bit of the story but i think we need to change the name Mr Moose to something else like Mr Smith or somethinglike that bye x x x
nu uh sophie mr moose is awesome
I know what you’re thinking… Is Mr Moose my real name? Well it is, I am called Mr Milisent Moose, strange name huh? Well my mum and dad were odd so you can’t blame them! Anyway, Ondine called Doctor Frank to help her wheel me into to the hospital’s white room. It was strangely scary in a way that I could not possibly describe. ” Can you remember who set the bomb off? ” said the tall black CSI man, he was called Rodger. ” Think I can, his name was Demitrius, Demitrius Spock. ” I replied. The white man, Patrick, wrote my answer down on his nice, clean notepad. Then he asked me if I could remember the exact bomb he had thrown into the river Thames. I said that I thought it was a neuclear one but it could have been a rubber one. My leg, or what was left of it, was throbbingh like mad so Ondine took me back to my hospital ward. I was glad that was over… For now anyway.
Come on people… Comment already!!! I’m lonely
hi Charlie, nice story bit but can we pease please please change the name Mr Moose?????? It’s just stupid
hi Charlie, nice story bit but can we please please please change the name Mr Moose?????? It’s just stupid
soz i sent it twice my computer went dodgy
The men were outside,talking in a posh way.I couldn’t remember that much but i reconised them voices from somewhere…Somewhere perculia…
Ace thats awesome Charlotte, which ever one that may be…
For the last time sophie NO! Mr Milisent Moose is awesome
Oh yes, now I remember… Only vaguely though. Those men were the ones that ran across the bridge trying to stop the man dropping the bomb. They were the ones shouting: Stop this is the CSI, we have you surrounded. I turned around and saw a needle, Ondine was on her coffee break and there was a back door to the car park. The two men injected me with anaesthetic. It was dark. I felt alone. The next thing I new I was in a very tight sweater strapped to a bed with a smilie face on it and a slogan which I couldn’t quite read but I think it said: Don’t worry, you’ll get out someday. I stopped all movement. It was then that I realised than I was in an… INSANE ASYLUM! It had to be, this room had no windows and only one door. People were walking past this room all crazy and insane but I wasn’t… Was I? …
Come on people I need some help on the flashback.
ok i’ll help u only if we change the name mr moose !!!!!!!!!
ooops sorry Mrs Taylor. Mr Moose
No thats blackmail.
And its been written in the story now for good.
By the way I didn’t post that comment at that time because my comp clock is an hour behind. So it would have been: 7:22 and 7:21 and this one 7:26
Chaz are you there?
I need help with the flashback bit please
I remembered it all,like a movie.
I wish I could help but this is the first time I have been on so i need to know what to write next! I’ll try though on the next comment!!!
:D:);)
This is fantastic girls. Would be great to see some other people from our group getting involved!
Mrs Taylor
I’m waiting to find out what happens next!
Here’s the whole story but with my part added on!!!
Here it is:
I could hear it. Sort of a ticking sound. Then it happened…It was huge. It turned from a tiny golden-orange bang to a big powerful red explosion, things flying and the blow so powerful it lifted you off your feet, in a matter of seconds. The smoky hot air whipped my face; I was too weak to fight back. Just then I saw a huge plank of wood heading towards my face. I closed my eyes, desperate for it all to be a bad dream. I felt my head hit the floor. Pain stabbed through my head. I couldn’t help it .I was not strong enough. I let darkness overwhelm me. I know I was not fit for the job. I know, I know, I knew… I woke up in serious pain. Where was I? I was in a hospital. But why? I couldn’t remember anything. It was like a complete blur!! Then it all came to me…the doctors surrounded me as quickly as a pride of lions chasing their prey. They were all talking a blur and I had no idea what they were saying. I heard one of them say amnesia. Just the thought of losing my memory made my spine shiver. Come to think of it, I couldn’t remember why I had to have my leg amputated off. My brain was all of a muddle, all scrambled, and I was in serious confusion. Why was I here and how? Two men in all black suits walked through the entrance. They both had briefcases and earpieces. I saw them hold up black badges to the doctors in my ward. My heart monitor was heating up and there were so many bright lights. Then I woke up… The two men walked right up to me with the nurse by my side. I liked the nurse, Ondine she was called. She was from France. Anyway, the two men held up their badges to me and one of them said “ Hi we’re from the CSI and if you feel well enough, we’d like to ask you some questions. ”
“ Do you feel well enough Mr Moose? ”
I was scared so I just said
“ Yes O.K. “
I know what you’re thinking… Is Mr Moose my real name? Well it is, I am called Mr Millicent Moose, strange name huh? Well my mum and dad were odd so you can’t blame them! Anyway, Ondine called Doctor Frank to help her wheel me into to the hospital’s white room. It was strangely scary in a way that I could not possibly describe. ” Can you remember who set the bomb off? ” said the tall black CSI man, he was called Rodger.
“ I think I can, his name was Demitrius, Demitrius Spock. ” I replied. The white man, Patrick, wrote my answer down on his nice, clean notepad. Then he asked me if I could remember the exact bomb he had thrown into the river Thames. I said that I thought it was a nuclear one but it could have been a rubber one. My leg, or what was left of it, was throbbing like mad so Ondine took me back to my hospital ward. I was glad that was over… For now anyway. The men were outside, talking in a posh way. I couldn’t remember that much but I recognised them voices from somewhere…somewhere peculiar…Oh yes, now I remember… Only vaguely though. Those men were the ones that ran across the bridge trying to stop the man dropping the bomb. They were the ones shouting:
“Stop this is the CSI, we have you surrounded.”
I turned around and saw a needle, Ondine was on her coffee break and there was a back door to the car park. The two men injected me with anaesthetic. It was dark. I felt alone. The next thing I new I was in a very tight sweater strapped to a bed with a smiley face on it and a slogan which I couldn’t quite read but I think it said: Don’t worry, you’ll get out someday. I stopped all movement. It was then that I realised that I was in an… INSANE ASYLUM! It had to be, this room had no windows and only one door. People were walking past this room all crazy and insane but I wasn’t… Was I? …I remembered it all, like a movie.
“ You may go now Mr Moose!” said a man with ginger hair and a wicked smile. He helped me out in a wheelchair and put me into an ambulance. The ambulance drove forward, forward nowhere but forward. He drove past a place I recognized, MY HOUSE!!!
“ Excuse me, ermmm that was my house!” I said dazzled and confused.
“I no Mr Moose, that’s not where we’re going.” Said the driver. He turned around. I recognised the face very well. I couldn’t get my head around who it was until he smiled. It was… DEMIERIUS!
WOW THAT’S ALOT!!!!!
HI
SORRY errrm did u like my comment. the story is getting awesome read it miss taylor it is getting good. please comment on it please.
i spelt Demetrius wrong sorry
i like it soo much sophie
THANKS
ADD SOME MORE ON CHARLIE
i will:
“Where are you taking me?” I said dazzled and confused. My head started spinning. Before I fainted I heard Demetrius say
“All in good time Milicent all in good time!!!!”
GO ON CHARLIE
When I woke up I felt confuzzled, my arms were strapped to a bed; my legs were too; come to think of it my whole body was strapped to this unidentifiable bed… I could hear lots of people talking about sciency stuff and physics. I laid my head back with curiosity and thought…
Am I trapped? I thought. Oh my goodness I thought again I knew where I was… I was in the most whitest room I had ever been in before. It was a good thing I had my stanley knife on me. Cutting as fast as I could, I struggled out of the tight straps. The straps loosened, I was free. Without hesitation, I sprinted wildly to the door. It was unlocked and I was glad of it. My heart raced as I ran to the Thames bridge. There was Demitrius. Demitrius Spock. I squinted and could vaguely see a small beeping item in his sweaty hand. I could have sworn he saw me but I ducked down anyway.
I like the story so far!!!
is the story still going on ??? …
yes chloe, and sorry everyone i have only written one tiny bit of the story ive been very busy with dancing and i will try to write as often as i can!!! BYE!!!!!!!!!!xxx
Wow! This story is great – so much better than anything on TV or the Movie channel tonight!! Well done – keep on writing Mrs Taylor’s able writers!
erm…. i dont know what to put. i dont even know what’s happening in the story so could someone tell me cos i dont understand
which sophie is it who wrote the really long bit ? put r or w please
Hi Year 6, as promised, I said I’d have a look, and I think this is a fantastic idea. Imaginations are clearly running wild, and I’m very excited about the new writing talent coming to Morley High in September! Keep up the good work!
Thank you for reading our Able Writers story Mr Bell. It’s great to able to share our work with other schools!
Now we have a wider audience we need to keep writing to this high standard. Who can contiune the story?Mrs Taylor
WOW NICE STORY
i dont know what to add on
Just find the last part of the story then continue it with your own ideas. It can be a short continuation or a longer piece. Just have a go!
Mrs Taylor
He started to pull two ******s and attaqched them to my head!
“What are you doing? This hurts! OW! Stop it now!!!”
” Now we’ll see if your really telling the absolute truth!”
well alough now we are in high school doesn’t mean we should stop. I’m goona type up the whole story, print it and send it to you miss taylor. Show it to the new year 6!
The men attached the sticky bud things to my head and out the corner of my eye I saw Ondine smiling and laughing with Dr Frank. She kissed him… Was my whole life a lie. Sorry lost my touch a moment there! As I was saying, She kissed him and then walked off for her break. I screamed but nothing came out. It was like space from what I’ve heard. Of course I’ve never been into space really. Anyway one of the huge monitors in the room turned red and said THREAT DETECTED SELF DESTRUCTION IN 5 MINUTES. The doctors in the room switched on the microphone and spoke into it, they said: ” Everyone needs to get out of here there is bomb, please don’t panic people just go home.”
” Come on lets go ” He said to his colleagues.
” A bomb in this building” I said ” I’m glad we’re getting out then!”
” Not you ” He said ” You’re staying right here! He grinned as he said it. Then left the room. As you can imagine, I was extremely scared by this comment and had an almost fatal panic attack. Then, I woke up…